When you think about it, 45-60 minute sessions every week or so, can seem like a drop in the bucket of your life. How do you make lasting change in such a short period of time? I would like to share some tips with you for how to make the most of "the therapy hour."
1. Set a session goal:
Before attending a therapy session, take some time to reflect on what you would like to discuss. If you wait until the last second, you might spend too much time in session deciding on what to talk about. Many times, people might feel overwhelmed and may not know where to start. Taking some time to write down your concerns can help you to prioritize the issues prior to your session. Of course if you are still having trouble deciding, it's perfectly reasonable to discuss *that* with your therapist.
2. Be as real as you can be:
Most of us want certain things from our therapist. For example, some of us may deeply want our therapist to like us, or we may want them to take care of and nurture us. It's just human nature. Because of this, we might filter ourselves and "put on a good face or only share our distress because we feel we won't get the help we need if we aren't showing enough pain. Both of these experiences are human! It helps to notice if you do this and try to "recalibrate" before session to ensure you are being as authentic as you can be (again...acknowledging that this is hard). The more that your therapist knows about you, the more that they can really help.
In a similar vein, there may be days where you end a session and feel some surprising feelings about your therapist. You might feel angry, annoyed, disappointed, rejected, grateful, close, vulnerable, and a host of many other feelings. This is normal. One suggestion I have is to be curious about these feelings instead of instantly reacting to or recoiling from them. Feelings that you have about your therapist can be very useful for understanding your relationships and patterns. I will also note that therapists are human. They may very well have done something that could understandably set off these feelings. But therapists are trained to discuss these feelings and handle them with care and respect. Discussing these feelings with your therapist has the potential to reveal some important insights and, at the very least, improve the working relationship.
3. Pay attention to anything you might be "holding back":
Pay special attention to issues or topics that feel especially difficult for you to talk about. You may feel very distressed about the prospect of discussing a specific issue with your therapist. This is completely normal and is also a good sign that you should prioritize this issue. Your therapist is there to help you talk about difficult things. It's okay if you need to take some time to feel comfortable with your therapist, but just keep in mind that it may be best to approach (rather than to avoid) the topic. Remember, the more your therapist knows, the more they can help.
I know....this is a tall order. Talking to a therapist (even while knowing they are there to be nonjudgmental and helpful) is so hard. Being honest and open about how you are feeling can feel like stepping out on a ledge, but doing this is a great way to accelerate your progress and make the most of your hour. The less time that is spent guarding yourself, the more time you have to really dig into what is important to you. In the same breath, I want to acknowledge that being open and honest might just be the very issue that you hope to work on in therapy--so let your therapist know if that is the major goal. They should be able to meet you where you are on this.
4. Do your homework
I'm sure you read that with some dread. Ugh. Homework. No one wants to do homework....but think of it as practice or internalizing what you gain from therapy. Therapy is just 45-60 minutes each week (at most) and sometimes less. It's important to spend time outside of the session reflecting on what you have gained and/or putting some of the knowledge and skills into practice. A helpful analogy that *my therapist* gave me was this: Imagine you are learning a different language. Would you only study an hour a week and expect to be fluent? Of course not. You'd learn more by doing, studying, and immersing yourself in challenging experiences to put the language into practice. This is exactly how to make the most of your therapy. It's going to feel messy and scary, and you may even make a few mistakes here and there--but you will learn far more than you would if you just show up for therapy and call it a day. If you are unsure of how to practice outside of session, talk to your therapist about this! They should have some helpful ideas for how to implement what you've discussed.
In a related vein, take notes after and before each session. You can buy a notebook, use the notepad app of your phone, or even use a voice recorder. You will cover so much psychological ground in and out of therapy. It is easy to forget any insights. Writing them down will help you retain it and also help you to notice themes and patterns. Just make sure you keep it secure and private, so that no one else will have access to these personal thoughts.
5. Finally, be patient and persistent.
Just like you won't learn a new language in a month, you probably won't learn a new way of being, thinking, or feeling after only a few sessions. It takes time to know yourself better and to make changes. You've probably also read that growth is not linear and is quite messy. There will be ups and downs, but patience and persistence will get you to a point where you notice progress and a positive impact on your life. Of course, if it's been several sessions and you are not gaining many insights or feeling optimistic about the direction of therapy, talk to your therapist about this. Some tweaks may need to be made, or it's perfectly reasonable to consider if you can find a better match. A discussion is always a great starting point.
Conclusion
The therapy hour is short (sometimes too short)! I've given you some tips for how to make the most of it and potentiate your gains. In your experience, what has helped you make the most of therapy? Leave some comments below!
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